White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
