First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
