dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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