So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
