Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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