Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
