Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
