I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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