we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
