This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
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but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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