My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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