I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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