Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
