yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Less talking, more tequila
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?