somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
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Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song