No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.