those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it