You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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