My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
