He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
