I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
