I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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