why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
