Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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