my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
