That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You need Xanax blowdarts
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
