She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
