If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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