2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
