I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just had sex bonerless
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
