I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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