it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
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