New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize