If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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