Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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