Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
