So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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