I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
