im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
