remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
