Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I love you. Go after that dick
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
