Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
