I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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