Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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