the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
