Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
