We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
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You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize