My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
