I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
