saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
