Someone shit on the floor
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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