so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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