I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
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You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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