We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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