Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
