Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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