i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
