i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
