New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
