I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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