Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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