I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
