The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
