I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
