His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
