i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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