This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
