So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
