At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
