im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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