I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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