he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
