So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
