i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
